I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
