i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
