just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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