Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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