you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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