she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
