I could make wine with my vomit
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
