Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
