do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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