I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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