5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
