Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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