he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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