She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize