It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
