Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
