All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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