finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
