Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
