my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I want her autograph on my taint
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
