She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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