Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Someone shit on the floor
i would punch a child for taco bell
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
