I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
