but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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