All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
