There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
