morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
