I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize