yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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