Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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