i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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