quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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