I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
