my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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