I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize