I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
