i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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