if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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