I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
