you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
