I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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