Betty ford says i'm here all night
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
