I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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