no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Randomize
