I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
