I showed him my bush... on skype.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize