dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
