I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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