Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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