yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
