tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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