Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
