The maid of honor just puked.
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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