Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
