my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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