My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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