So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
