Quick, to the slutcave!
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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