I have demons in me.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize