oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
