I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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