No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
