i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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