I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
