i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Four minutes until I can fart!
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize