you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
