I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
