Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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