I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
