I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
