You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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