I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
