Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I love having hate sex.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
