I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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