and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize
