My first STD was from a foam party
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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