he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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