I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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