Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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