tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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